Advice From a Relatively Old Man, #4
Every month or so, Stone’s 10th Grade Dean Jay Lance shares advice to his students which he lovingly calls, “Notes From a Relatively Old Man”. Below, Jay’s second letter of the 2020-2021 school year:
Tenth Grade Students,
Early in the school year I shared some "Advice from a Relatively Old Man". I started this last year when the pandemic hit and here's another installment inspired by the similarity to the spring last year.
When I was a young man, a bit younger than you, tenth graders, my father suffered his first of several heart attacks. I was a pretty shy and relatively non-resilient sixth grader and my world was given a great shock.
Already pretty introverted and not quick to share any feelings with anyone, my stress level quickly got the better of me. One of our cats, Grayball, died in that timeframe, and it was a tough few months for me.
My father survived his four bypass open-heart surgery, for which he was given a 50% chance. I remember the phone ringing that day at home where my grandparents were watching us and seeing the sign of relief my grandmother had when she heard the news.
When I look back now I'm certainly not glad that my family went through this, but as he went through further heart problems and setbacks over the years I became more resilient. I know now that I am much stronger because of the experience and at least I am a product of the stress.
My own father's father died when he was five, so he likewise early on had trauma. I'm sure he passed that strength on to me and my sisters.
Truth is, we all have our own versions of this story. We are constantly at a level of stress that is unique and perhaps unrelenting. The world right now offers it in spades, let alone the personal stress we all have from mere existence.
Here's my advice: embrace the stress. Know that you are being formed right now from it and that it is making you stronger. It's not measurable and it is not, probably, perceptible, at least not in the moment, but it is a fact.
Several years ago a hurricane came in with winds from the east, at an angle that the trees in our woods were not prepared for. We lost over ten trees as their roots systems on that side had little wind stress from that side and were not resilient enough to survive. We still have a few upended root systems that face that direction.
So, as much as you can, know that the stress is making you stronger. That knowledge helps as you endure difficult times.
Two caveats though. First, you need to find ways to talk about what you are going through. You should work hard to find these ways. Ask for help.
Second, don't seek out the stress. From the same treefall event: frustrated at the loss of all those trees and anxious to start the clean-up process, I got my chainsaw out and with still a bit of drizzle started cutting. Nothing scares me more in my hands-on work life than a chainsaw, but I was too reckless. I climbed into a fallen tree to cut branches away. Little did I know that the branch I stood on was being held down by the branch I cut away. I was thrown in the air, the chainsaw spinning out of my hand. Miraculously, I landed in a Y-branch, sitting down, as comfortable as you could be. I caught my breath, put the chainsaw away, and got a tree service to finish the job. Lesson learned.
So, tenth graders, I hope you realize that you are not alone. So many people both at Stone and of course at home are ready to help you. They want to help you, but it is up to you to reach out.
All the best,
Jay